After a few solo travels I am having a hard time adjusting to home life
About two years ago I completely left my shy self introverted home ridden self aside and started having real grandeur ideas on life. I started wanting to talk and get to meet everyone and take every interaction as far as it would could naturally go. I don't know how that happened.
Since then really I've only been on two trips, one trip to Banff for 4 days and and another to Australia for 10. Both times have been an incredible time and some of the most memorable moments of my life. Its totally convinced me that life is amazing, people are amazing, and exploring, trying new things, and making connections is invaluable to life.
However, my experience the next day has been as follows: I walk into the office with the greatest smile on my face after being gone for a week, and...silence.
I really convinced myself that all that wonder when traveling was possible back at home. That it was just of applying the same mindset in making the attempt to make connections. But it didn't work. And I kept doubling down on the idea, as I took it as my own failure and vowed to just try harder.
It really hasn't gotten me anywhere. I almost made a friend or two, but for the most part its just led to messing up and making awkward scenarios with coworkers and others.
I started feeling completely rejected, withdrawn, and weirdly depressed. And oh boy, depression as an "extrovert" feels very different. I've dialed it back down to just trying to be content with myself and my daily routine, because constantly upping the craziness and chasing novelty is not very unsustainable.
Nonetheless, this past year I've just been going to work, looking outside, and just thinking how nice it would be to live a completely different life. Maybe go live on a farm somewhere for a few months and find the next thing. Maybe even if I can't travel, at least get some time off from work so I can focus on doing something else in my life here. But out of the 52 weeks of the year, I can get what? 3 weeks off of work, some of which I need for other obligations.
In all, simply said: I really want to chase life, but I feel stuck and I am also little anxious of where it will take me.
I am incredibly lucky to have what I have but these are thoughts that keep bothering me and this seems like the perfect place to get some wisdom.
Submitted May 19, 2019 at 02:10AM by Jabroniss http://bit.ly/2EgQAew
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