What if this isn't it? A few thoughts into my 3 month solo sabbatical
I have recently taken a 3 month sabbatical from my job in NYC to backpack South East Asia. Here is a thought I had about a week in and wanted to write down and share...
What if this isn't it?
If I had to guess the one thought that induces existential crises into people’s lives, it would be this:
“What if this isn’t it?”
Try swapping these words in:
This = Marrying “so-and-so”, $10 million in the bank, a beach house, a sabbatical
It = everything I ever wanted, what will ultimately satisfy me, what will give me lasting happiness
I believe the size of the crisis this causes is relative to how deeply one believes the thought “This is it” and how long it takes one to come to the thought that “This isn’t it”.
The idea of striving for something for 3, 5 or 10 years, achieving it and then realizing it’s not what you wanted in the first place gets increasingly scary as the timeline lengthens.
I write what I think about
I write what I think about. And this is a thought I had. About exactly what I’m doing.
What if this sabbatical isn’t what will give me complete satisfaction?
The funny thing is, I was TWO DAYS into my leave when I had that thought. Furthermore, during the entire time leading up to this, I never once viewed this trip as an answer to anything. But it still crept into my mind.
What if this isn’t it?
As much as I like to believe I’m here only to take in these different experiences, sitting in the back of my mind, hibernating, were my old ideas.
“This is what will solve it all.”
But I’m not looking to “fix” or solve anything. So, why was this thought there? Well, because this idea is just too fucking seductive.
What will solve it all?
This will.
Is there any other idea that has gobbled up so many people’s time and lives as they searched for the answer? I can’t think of anything else.
This quote tends to bring me back down to earth.
“The fundamental delusion – there is something out there that will make me happy and fulfilled forever” – Naval Ravikant
And so, it is with this idea that I remind myself: that the “new car smell” always fades. On purchases, promotions and people. It always fades. And to me, that’s OK. Because the idea is not to discourage someone from pursuing things that they desire. It is to discourage someone from buying a car just for the smell. So, as this backpacking trip’s first layer of novelty begins to peel away, my thinking continues to become clearer.
And that’s what I really wanted.
Submitted February 03, 2019 at 10:06AM by jac5978 http://bit.ly/2BibKrb
0 Response to "What if this isn't it? A few thoughts into my 3 month solo sabbatical"
Post a Comment