I'm new to this and need help.
Long story short I'm turning 32 soon and my mom just passed away. Her funeral is tomorrow and I am beyond torn at this moment. You see I don't have much family and well she was literally it, my siblings ditched us long ago and its been us along with my cousin for over 15 years. Mom was disabled so I mostly took care of her, and it was always us two together. I don't have any family and little to no friends and after all this will really need an escape. I have always battled depression and mental illnesses but she kept me strong enough to keep going when I never thought id make it past 25. Things seem pretty pointless and bleak now cause I've been miserable for so long that it truly doesn't feel like it will ever get better specially not with loosing her. I'm lost, I truly wish I could go to sleep and not wake up anymore and its tearing me apart. I keep trying to focus on trying something new but its only a distraction which barely gets me through the day. Nothing helps and I'm truly out of strength.
My goal is to take some time off and just go on the road and explore for a bit. She always wanted me to be happy and she knows I wanted to travel and see so many things. So I'm modifying my car to become a living space and maybe do a short road trip to start with and slowly maybe transition to longer time on the road because this place feels so empty now. I am from South Florida and haven't really been out much aside from flying to some cool cities. Id really like some help and tips and if anyone would like to meet up along the way and share a meal id be more than up for that. I just need a reason to really stick around because now that she is gone I really don't have one but I want to give it one last try cause I know she would be disappointed in me if I didn't.
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