Well I messed up
First of all, don't have bipolar. If you don't have bipolar, then you should be fine.
I left Lexington, Kentucky, on Monday and arrived in LA on Friday. I had a small itinerary of places to stop along the way - I wanted to visit Hot Springs and Dallas and Roswell, but I'm so restless I literally just drove through all those cities. I had planned to stop at campgrounds and cook my own food, but I booked hotel rooms last-minute half the time, and ate out for most of my meals (like one or two a day - I don't eat very much at all).
I was so restless, even putting off stopping for bathroom breaks and gas until I couldn't. Being on the road put my mind into a state of timelessness and non-thought - I'm usually plagued by automatic negative thinking that seems to skirt around cognitive behavioral techniques I've learned over the past year.
I went on this trip to relax and figure out a new life for myself after a long series of setbacks over the past 10 years or so, even after receiving psychiatric care for the last 4 years. I've been trying to hold down a job and just take care of myself - I had to leave my last job, the job that I genuinely wanted, because I had a panic attack on my lunch break and couldn't go back. It's so humiliating to live a life as that person.
My brother and parents helped pay for this trip. Now I'm staying for a couple nights with the other half of my family in CA, and I'm trying to figure out - do I stay in the area and try to find work here? I also thought I could potentially find better treatment out here. I'm absolutely affected by dreary, cloudy days and cold weather.
Hopefully I'll figure out how to live successfully with this disease!
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